My Corona

This is the worst semester of my life.....


My Biology Professor just keeps releasing reminder of my assignments and quizzes, which in turn keeps reminding me of how fucked up my schedule is.

If it weren't for my Figure Drawing Professor stressing me out and me TRYING not to go red and choke a bitch, I KNOW I'd be on top of all of my other assignments in the rest.
I have a one track mind --- once I'm pissed, I don't focus on anything else.


My Intro to Business class isn't fairing any better.
I technically don't NEED this class for my Broadcast Media Production major, but it was recommended by last semester's guest speaker for SMPTE to at least learn the fundamentals so one doesn't get screwed over later in life.

My final class is Illustration, again NOT needed per se however, I plan to create an animation production and won't be able to hire help right off. It will be me, myself, and I.



....what's this about a virus?

Is this another Flu scare? Pretty sure my slapdash Medical Insurance won't cover it; had to pay out-of-pocket JUST for teeth cleaning.


....wait, what?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN CLASSES WILL BE MOVED TO ONLINE?!?!?!

I PURPOSEFULLY signed up for courses that DON'T use Distance Learning!

A Monster to Conquer

I like to tell a story to anyone who would listen......

It's about a girl who feels desperate all the time. She feels like she has let everyone down because of her stupid pride. Her Father had lost his true love and is now in an unrecoverable rut, her Mother had left them to pursue her lost happiness for she had married and had a child out of duty to herself. Since then, life had gone down-hill in her life and so, regrettably; she had to leave her ties towards education behind to help with financial problems.

Relief came to her family as she marched into her first job with pride, she loved what she did but was discriminated by her own co-workers for reasons obvious to her, her Father and her best friend. And yet, she continuously swallowed her pride so she could selfishly have spending icons for her own personal amusement. The more hours she worked, the less her heart-felled got and she no longer enjoyed the work. She completely lost it and as their final act of jealousy and hatred, they had finally let her go.

In time after the shock, she became devastated that she constantly ate; feeling like she'd be less trouble if she wasn't even born. Even though her friends and family tried to support her and lift her spirits, her grief began to consume her. And then, as her final act of regret and sorrow, she prepared herself for the eternal rest. With weapon in hand, she took one final breath and savored it before she pulled; six rounds had past and still she lingers like a depressed puppy that had just lost its master.

'Why?' she asks herself over again. 'Why can't I do it? Wouldn't it be easier for my Father and everyone if I didn't exist?' She continued to live on, still pondering for an answer to that question. To this day, she feels worthless, for no one will be so kind as to give her a chance. As if they had gotten their revenge on her somehow by selling their souls to the devil himself.

Along the way, she is reminded of her dreams and is asked to start writing again to reawaken her soul, but alas; she knows of no one who would read her works of art. She sends her talent world-wide, hoping that someone will love them and finally make her dream come true; but her whole life had passed her, and she was now too weak and brittle to continue. Sometime after, she passed on to true love and rekindled dreams with a frown on her wrinkled face.

With no energy to pick up another pencil, a stray tear falls from her eye, then she dies with a destroyed soul. Her dearest wish was to have at least one novel in bookstores before her tragic death. She had the talent, but so many people had put her down that it slowly ate her away inside.

I shed a tear, for I knew her well. Now, no one will ever drift away in love and fantasy without her feeling heartbroken.  

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Note: This was done during my Depression period - following my parent's divorce

Unknown

Lost in hallow and grief,

To trust your heart and mind;

Having lost your faith in yourself,

Your greatest fear becomes true.

A deep pain rising,

After so many years;

Finding out deceit,

in the worst possible way.

A person with no heart

no soul;

believes it's true;

The understanding of the world

being close to you.

This wound will never heal;

nor do I want it to.

Because the pain will be shared,

Always; from me to you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dedicated to life's betrayal

Lost upon...

Respect and Secrets:

a very close relationship

Memories and Arguments:

a very painful encounter

Love and Friendship:

a continued generation

An unseen urge in which you are wishing, watching; waiting in wonder.

Reality replacing all fantasy and pleasure with earned pain.

The folding years of a lost soul that shows the bond of sorrows,

   crippled and diseased of the mind.

For what you longed for....

A childhood best friend and a teenage companion.

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Dedicated to Trust issues

The Breeze of Life

a silent sound that carries a spirit,

that flies without a whisper;

   is still in limbo,

but sours with grace.

a very thin string holds it steady,

while it is trying to break;

to end the magnificent plight

and slows the wondrous flight.

though with the endless bright color,

   very dim in the light;

it will not escape the destiny, of souring....

  finally one with the brothers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dedication: PENDING

Silent Stone

Lost under the soil,

a soul above others.

Struggles through the dark pit,

stirs like a silent stone.

With the iron of truth,

our leader will carry on.

Blind all content paths

to catch a breath of freedom,

throw fear with bear hands;

keep our hopes alive.

A fearless warrior to make us survive.

With one hand free,

our struggle will have worth.

Dogs consume our fear,

Thrive, survive and hunger.

Pursue us throughout the state,

cut us off at every turn.

With a personal goal,

our fallen will be spared from vain.

Cries were finally understood,

heard from long ago.

Because of a feminist hero,

our fight was worth it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dedicated:  PENDING

In'Her'

This is a story of a girl: an overweight, black girl who had no confidence in herself, looked down upon by her peers and seemed to be an underachiever.

She spent most of her life alone in her room, lost in her fantasy world where everyone there would want to be around her, comfort her when she was sad and love her like she was their only. But - her world was only a safe haven, an illusion. And she knew that it couldn't last forever. She craved the things that so many people have already experienced: love, friendship...acceptance, but HOW to achieve it always eluded her to the point of her own destruction from the inside out.

As she slowly comes out of her shell, she found more and more pain and sorrow not from the girls, but the boys. They used her to get what they wanted and hurt her both physically and mentally, but she soon found the reason why she continued to live - by an unexpected introduction to her inner strength.

In the form of an elegant, strong, independent black woman in which the girl always wished to become -- Cheetahkit gave the girl something she had always craved the most...friendship! A person that BELIEVED she can do whatever she wanted and gave her the acceptance that the girl realized she deserved.

Cheetahkit had also given her keys to make friends with other people, which became the story of how she met her 'reflection', as she once again, witnessed another girl who was lost and alone. Enraged that the same incident could happen to another and that no one seemed to care, she took it upon herself to be this strong self - only to find that it wasn't going to be as simple as it sounded.

The girl realized that this good deed took a lot of effort. A lot of the words that she had kept hidden for so long were just starting to come out, but she still held back due to the fact that she was overcoming her shyness. Foreshadowed as a selfish loner by society, it took all the girl had to break free from her shackles that seemed permanently fused to her skin.

Her hard work had paid off, for she made a new friend using her own strength that she found within herself. She later introduced her to the original savior and though had words from time to time, seemed to be no blood-shed between them.

Time passed happily for the girl as she became closer and closer to her new friends, even found out a stunning fact that all three have their birthdays in the month of November!

Her life seemed less complicated - however, there is one more thing that she craves and is still searching for to this day. Will she find it? Was it meant for her? That is an unwritten chapter for her and a story for another day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dedicated to the girl I was to the woman I am now -- as well as the traitors who brought her to life.