Sunday, October 4, 2020
Thursday, March 19, 2020
My Corona
This is the worst semester of my life.....
My Biology Professor just keeps releasing reminder of my assignments and quizzes, which in turn keeps reminding me of how fucked up my schedule is.
If it weren't for my Figure Drawing Professor stressing me out and me TRYING not to go red and choke a bitch, I KNOW I'd be on top of all of my other assignments in the rest.
I have a one track mind --- once I'm pissed, I don't focus on anything else.
My Intro to Business class isn't fairing any better.
I technically don't NEED this class for my Broadcast Media Production major, but it was recommended by last semester's guest speaker for SMPTE to at least learn the fundamentals so one doesn't get screwed over later in life.
My final class is Illustration, again NOT needed per se however, I plan to create an animation production and won't be able to hire help right off. It will be me, myself, and I.
....what's this about a virus?
Is this another Flu scare? Pretty sure my slapdash Medical Insurance won't cover it; had to pay out-of-pocket JUST for teeth cleaning.
....wait, what?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN CLASSES WILL BE MOVED TO ONLINE?!?!?!
I PURPOSEFULLY signed up for courses that DON'T use Distance Learning!
My Biology Professor just keeps releasing reminder of my assignments and quizzes, which in turn keeps reminding me of how fucked up my schedule is.
If it weren't for my Figure Drawing Professor stressing me out and me TRYING not to go red and choke a bitch, I KNOW I'd be on top of all of my other assignments in the rest.
I have a one track mind --- once I'm pissed, I don't focus on anything else.
My Intro to Business class isn't fairing any better.
I technically don't NEED this class for my Broadcast Media Production major, but it was recommended by last semester's guest speaker for SMPTE to at least learn the fundamentals so one doesn't get screwed over later in life.
My final class is Illustration, again NOT needed per se however, I plan to create an animation production and won't be able to hire help right off. It will be me, myself, and I.
....what's this about a virus?
Is this another Flu scare? Pretty sure my slapdash Medical Insurance won't cover it; had to pay out-of-pocket JUST for teeth cleaning.
....wait, what?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN CLASSES WILL BE MOVED TO ONLINE?!?!?!
I PURPOSEFULLY signed up for courses that DON'T use Distance Learning!
Thursday, October 10, 2019
A Monster to Conquer
I like to
tell a story to anyone who would listen......
It's about a
girl who feels desperate all the time. She feels like she has let everyone down
because of her stupid pride. Her Father had lost his true love and is now in an
unrecoverable rut, her Mother had left them to pursue her lost happiness for
she had married and had a child out of duty to herself. Since then, life had
gone down-hill in her life and so, regrettably; she had to leave her ties
towards education behind to help with financial problems.
Relief came
to her family as she marched into her first job with pride, she loved what she
did but was discriminated by her own co-workers for reasons obvious to her, her
Father and her best friend. And yet, she continuously swallowed her pride so
she could selfishly have spending icons for her own personal amusement. The
more hours she worked, the less her heart-felled got and she no longer enjoyed
the work. She completely lost it and as their final act of jealousy and hatred,
they had finally let her go.
In time
after the shock, she became devastated that she constantly ate; feeling like
she'd be less trouble if she wasn't even born. Even though her friends and
family tried to support her and lift her spirits, her grief began to consume
her. And then, as her final act of regret and sorrow, she prepared herself for
the eternal rest. With weapon in hand, she took one final breath and savored it
before she pulled; six rounds had past and still she lingers like a depressed
puppy that had just lost its master.
'Why?' she
asks herself over again. 'Why can't I do it? Wouldn't it be easier for my
Father and everyone if I didn't exist?' She continued to live on, still
pondering for an answer to that question. To this day, she feels worthless, for
no one will be so kind as to give her a chance. As if they had gotten their
revenge on her somehow by selling their souls to the devil himself.
Along the
way, she is reminded of her dreams and is asked to start writing again to
reawaken her soul, but alas; she knows of no one who would read her works of
art. She sends her talent world-wide, hoping that someone will love them and
finally make her dream come true; but her whole life had passed her, and she
was now too weak and brittle to continue. Sometime after, she passed on to true
love and rekindled dreams with a frown on her wrinkled face.
With no
energy to pick up another pencil, a stray tear falls from her eye, then she
dies with a destroyed soul. Her dearest wish was to have at least one novel in bookstores
before her tragic death. She had the talent, but so many people had put her
down that it slowly ate her away inside.
I shed a
tear, for I knew her well. Now, no one will ever drift away in love and fantasy
without her feeling heartbroken.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Note: This was done during my Depression period - following my parent's divorce
Unknown
Lost in
hallow and grief,
To trust
your heart and mind;
Having lost
your faith in yourself,
Your
greatest fear becomes true.
A deep pain
rising,
After so
many years;
Finding out deceit,
in the worst
possible way.
A person
with no heart
no soul;
believes
it's true;
The
understanding of the world
being close
to you.
This wound
will never heal;
nor do I
want it to.
Because the
pain will be shared,
Always; from
me to you.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dedicated to life's betrayal
Lost upon...
Respect and
Secrets:
a very close
relationship
Memories and
Arguments:
a very
painful encounter
Love and
Friendship:
a continued
generation
An unseen
urge in which you are wishing, watching; waiting in wonder.
Reality
replacing all fantasy and pleasure with earned pain.
The folding
years of a lost soul that shows the bond of sorrows,
crippled and diseased of the mind.
For what you
longed for....
A childhood
best friend and a teenage companion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dedicated to Trust issues
The Breeze of Life
a silent
sound that carries a spirit,
that flies
without a whisper;
is still in limbo,
but sours
with grace.
a very thin
string holds it steady,
while it is
trying to break;
to end the magnificent
plight
and slows
the wondrous flight.
though with
the endless bright color,
very dim in the light;
it will not
escape the destiny, of souring....
finally one with the brothers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dedication: PENDING
Silent Stone
Lost under
the soil,
a soul above
others.
Struggles
through the dark pit,
stirs like a
silent stone.
With the iron of truth,
our leader
will carry on.
Blind all content paths
to catch a
breath of freedom,
throw fear
with bear hands;
keep our
hopes alive.
A fearless
warrior to make us survive.
With one hand free,
our struggle
will have worth.
Dogs consume our fear,
Thrive,
survive and hunger.
Pursue us
throughout the state,
cut us off
at every turn.
With a personal goal,
our fallen
will be spared from vain.
Cries were finally understood,
heard from
long ago.
Because of a
feminist hero,
our fight
was worth it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dedicated: PENDING
In'Her'
This is a
story of a girl: an overweight, black girl who had no confidence in herself,
looked down upon by her peers and seemed to be an underachiever.
She spent
most of her life alone in her room, lost in her fantasy world where everyone
there would want to be around her, comfort her when she was sad and love her
like she was their only. But - her world was only a safe haven, an illusion.
And she knew that it couldn't last forever. She craved the things that so many
people have already experienced: love, friendship...acceptance, but HOW to
achieve it always eluded her to the point of her own destruction from the
inside out.
As she
slowly comes out of her shell, she found more and more pain and sorrow not from
the girls, but the boys. They used her to get what they wanted and hurt her
both physically and mentally, but she soon found the reason why she continued
to live - by an unexpected introduction to her inner strength.
In the form
of an elegant, strong, independent black woman in which the girl always wished
to become -- Cheetahkit gave the girl something she had always craved the
most...friendship! A person that BELIEVED she can do whatever she wanted and
gave her the acceptance that the girl realized she deserved.
Cheetahkit had
also given her keys to make friends with other people, which became the story
of how she met her 'reflection', as she once again, witnessed another girl who
was lost and alone. Enraged that the same incident could happen to another and
that no one seemed to care, she took it upon herself to be this strong self -
only to find that it wasn't going to be as simple as it sounded.
The girl
realized that this good deed took a lot of effort. A lot of the words that she
had kept hidden for so long were just starting to come out, but she still held
back due to the fact that she was overcoming her shyness. Foreshadowed as a
selfish loner by society, it took all the girl had to break free from her
shackles that seemed permanently fused to her skin.
Her hard
work had paid off, for she made a new friend using her own strength that she
found within herself. She later introduced her to the original savior and
though had words from time to time, seemed to be no blood-shed between them.
Time passed
happily for the girl as she became closer and closer to her new friends, even
found out a stunning fact that all three have their birthdays in the month of
November!
Her life
seemed less complicated - however, there is one more thing that she craves and
is still searching for to this day. Will she find it? Was it meant for her?
That is an unwritten chapter for her and a story for another day.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dedicated to the girl I was to the woman I am now -- as well as the traitors who brought her to life.
The Coming Star
As I wake
behind the morning sun, I take one look around,
Seeing how late it was, I
scrambled out; with the night on my body.
Soon realizing the bright star will be in
the middle, I rushed through the day;
seeking a faster light.
With my trusty staff I hold,
within the surroundings of my master;
I will fly like an
evening star fleeing from the light I see.
Further on, my body still,
believing once that's my time to shine.
Though
the sun blinds my path.
Further on, my light has gone dim for I had
lost my nerve, but seeing the world's
pearls for the first
time; make my path an easy one.
For once again if I am left astray again, I
will remember: the calm and coming star.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dedicated to : Paint Branch High School Marching Band - Years 1998-2000
Sunday, March 31, 2019
Saturday, May 19, 2018
NONE
For those who are still following:
I'm not dead --- just gotten swamped during both semesters plus fighting Financial Aid.
I have moved on from the Green Coffee Bean Extract and the Caralluma Fimbriata pills mainly because it needs a in-between period of 30 minutes before one can eat.
That's fine, for some folks! I don't have the mental discipline for that!
And because of my Ma's diagnostic of Diverticulitis, I had to put away the Sesame Seeds; I still kept the Chia Seeds but have reserved them for the weekend (Sunday, to be precised) when eating the Grilled Cheese sandwiches.
I had added a product called VITA MISS Shred Liquispray to replace the pills.
The main reason behind it was the time frame: This allows you to eat 1 MINUTE after 5 sprays underneath the tongue!
The stuff is worse than cough syrup but it was highly recommended for those who want to lose a few inches in 30 days. If you were expecting to drop that second belly quickly, it's not gonna work out the way you planned but like I said previously; it all takes time.
....All this was exactly four (4) days ago :(
For my exercise regiment, I had signed up for Badminton classes in my Spring semester since I had to give it up halfway during the past Fall semester. I thought to wake up my muscles before I go back to Tennis...even this class has quizzes, tests, mid term and finals!!
And now --- the sad news: My Ma's not the only one that went through a diagnostic but mine's not really a lifetime adjustment.
I recently had two extractions and in need of implants and crowning so it's draining our accounts. I also had to change my entire diet to "anything that's delicious" to "liquid and soft-food" until the procedures are completed.
So that means I got the info on the ins and outs of this torture.
I will be informing you all about this, so my ranting, for now is going into a new direction.
Stay tuned for the list of restricted foods I'm no longer able to eat for 7 months....!
I'm not dead --- just gotten swamped during both semesters plus fighting Financial Aid.
I have moved on from the Green Coffee Bean Extract and the Caralluma Fimbriata pills mainly because it needs a in-between period of 30 minutes before one can eat.
That's fine, for some folks! I don't have the mental discipline for that!
And because of my Ma's diagnostic of Diverticulitis, I had to put away the Sesame Seeds; I still kept the Chia Seeds but have reserved them for the weekend (Sunday, to be precised) when eating the Grilled Cheese sandwiches.
I had added a product called VITA MISS Shred Liquispray to replace the pills.
The main reason behind it was the time frame: This allows you to eat 1 MINUTE after 5 sprays underneath the tongue!
The stuff is worse than cough syrup but it was highly recommended for those who want to lose a few inches in 30 days. If you were expecting to drop that second belly quickly, it's not gonna work out the way you planned but like I said previously; it all takes time.
....All this was exactly four (4) days ago :(
For my exercise regiment, I had signed up for Badminton classes in my Spring semester since I had to give it up halfway during the past Fall semester. I thought to wake up my muscles before I go back to Tennis...even this class has quizzes, tests, mid term and finals!!
And now --- the sad news: My Ma's not the only one that went through a diagnostic but mine's not really a lifetime adjustment.
I recently had two extractions and in need of implants and crowning so it's draining our accounts. I also had to change my entire diet to "anything that's delicious" to "liquid and soft-food" until the procedures are completed.
So that means I got the info on the ins and outs of this torture.
I will be informing you all about this, so my ranting, for now is going into a new direction.
Stay tuned for the list of restricted foods I'm no longer able to eat for 7 months....!
Friday, September 22, 2017
ANTE
Been awhile....
The new semester's tough on a girl who hasn't attend in over 7 yrs.
"Give it time" they say....
Anyways, I'm sure you want to know what I've changed during this downtime XP
I ditched the beets --- mainly because I keep forgetting to put them on the salad. Also, apparently it's the worst veggie to eat for one's diet, I forgot why. If you want to know so badly, look it up yourself.
I also put the Apple Cider Vinegar on hold for now and switched to the pill regimen again.
I know, I know; I won't get accurate results this way but with the new schedule and all I have to be swift when it comes to free eats.
I still did the research before I started back up and found that I was seriously lacking in Green Tea {YUCK!}, so I had to add that as well as modify the other quick fix from Green Coffee Bean Extract to Caralluma Fimbriata. I'm still not sure if this is a fruit, vegetable or the name of a lost civilization.
My breakfast now includes eight (8) pieces of fruit in the morning --- melons chopped, of course --- and a bowl of cereal (portion controlled by using the mini box types). For lunch, I only eat for sustenance to get me through the rest of my classes so it's a bag of chips, organic fruit snacks (one small bag) and a Nature Valley Soft-Square. I personally love the blueberry, which is odd since I hate that piece of fruit. Could be because it's not by itself....
If you still wondering why I chose this title, it's because of many reasons but the biggest one is: time.
Ma is on this kick called "living" so she wants to travel as much as possible, and I wonder if I'll get like this when I turn 62. She wants Las Vegas, Panama, Cuba, and from my bucket list; Mardi Gras --- all within two years.
Plus a friend of mine who has no love for me obviously, asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in three years . I know a lot can happen in between but you never know.
I know I said don't use the motivation of losing weight for frivolous fads and reasoning, however I got to use something. Not only the change in diet, I also had increased my arm exercises from 2 minutes to 4; I had to stop for a while though because of a Satiric Nerve, that meant back to minimum but you just watch be bring it back up!
I think I mentioned last time I was adding Chia and Sesame Seeds to my food when and where I can --- if I haven't, there you go. I increased the dosage of Sesame Seeds though since it jump-starts my metabolism {it really does!}
I'll try to keep in touch with more changes. Hopefully next time, I'll have more to report.
Have a great weekend!!
The new semester's tough on a girl who hasn't attend in over 7 yrs.
"Give it time" they say....
Anyways, I'm sure you want to know what I've changed during this downtime XP
I ditched the beets --- mainly because I keep forgetting to put them on the salad. Also, apparently it's the worst veggie to eat for one's diet, I forgot why. If you want to know so badly, look it up yourself.
I also put the Apple Cider Vinegar on hold for now and switched to the pill regimen again.
I know, I know; I won't get accurate results this way but with the new schedule and all I have to be swift when it comes to free eats.
I still did the research before I started back up and found that I was seriously lacking in Green Tea {YUCK!}, so I had to add that as well as modify the other quick fix from Green Coffee Bean Extract to Caralluma Fimbriata. I'm still not sure if this is a fruit, vegetable or the name of a lost civilization.
My breakfast now includes eight (8) pieces of fruit in the morning --- melons chopped, of course --- and a bowl of cereal (portion controlled by using the mini box types). For lunch, I only eat for sustenance to get me through the rest of my classes so it's a bag of chips, organic fruit snacks (one small bag) and a Nature Valley Soft-Square. I personally love the blueberry, which is odd since I hate that piece of fruit. Could be because it's not by itself....
If you still wondering why I chose this title, it's because of many reasons but the biggest one is: time.
Ma is on this kick called "living" so she wants to travel as much as possible, and I wonder if I'll get like this when I turn 62. She wants Las Vegas, Panama, Cuba, and from my bucket list; Mardi Gras --- all within two years.
Plus a friend of mine who has no love for me obviously, asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding in three years . I know a lot can happen in between but you never know.
I know I said don't use the motivation of losing weight for frivolous fads and reasoning, however I got to use something. Not only the change in diet, I also had increased my arm exercises from 2 minutes to 4; I had to stop for a while though because of a Satiric Nerve, that meant back to minimum but you just watch be bring it back up!
I think I mentioned last time I was adding Chia and Sesame Seeds to my food when and where I can --- if I haven't, there you go. I increased the dosage of Sesame Seeds though since it jump-starts my metabolism {it really does!}
I'll try to keep in touch with more changes. Hopefully next time, I'll have more to report.
Have a great weekend!!
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
FRUSTRATED
I'm sure you've heard the old ad lib: "Lose weight, Feel Great"; they don't bother to tell you you'll feel like shit in between that saying!
All this pain and sweat and I feel like I haven't lost a thing, I might've even gained and it's got nothing to do muscle mass --- so unless I'm pregnant from a mysterious guest coming into my room at night that I don't know about, this so-called "cutting back and exercise" is not working.
Not sure I've mentioned in my last entry but I added Chia Seeds to the regime and the jury's still out on if it's making a difference. I put them in this week's dinner selection which includes Mountain Biscuits {Sesame Seeds & Chia Seeds}, Hot Dogs and White Corn {Chia Seeds}; plus I'm eating the peppers before every meal since people claim that it speeds up the metabolism....
Again I'm criticized about my schedule by my mother. Is nothing good enough?! She now says that because I'm home all day eating that I'm not getting results. "Once you're on a schedule instead of sitting at home and eating you'll see the difference.
Now I know you might think that she has a point and she does --- that's not the issue here. Ma has been like this since I was little: it's the WAY she says things that makes me feel inferior and that I'm not trying at all! I don't know why I even keep running to her with my thoughts if she's gonna do this every time. Just now she got the nerve to argue with me about a TV star playing a Disney Villain claiming that the live picture wasn't real. I had JUST looked the person up and the pic wasn't altered in any way.
She wants to be right --- apparently it gets her through her day.
Speaking of days, adding the weights for the 6-day workout just made my underarms look a bit misshapen. I'm not sure if I'm applying the cream Fat Girl Sleep in the right way or it's not targeting the spot in which it's needed....I'll make sure tonight that I put it only in that one spot.
I'll keep you posted.
All this pain and sweat and I feel like I haven't lost a thing, I might've even gained and it's got nothing to do muscle mass --- so unless I'm pregnant from a mysterious guest coming into my room at night that I don't know about, this so-called "cutting back and exercise" is not working.
Not sure I've mentioned in my last entry but I added Chia Seeds to the regime and the jury's still out on if it's making a difference. I put them in this week's dinner selection which includes Mountain Biscuits {Sesame Seeds & Chia Seeds}, Hot Dogs and White Corn {Chia Seeds}; plus I'm eating the peppers before every meal since people claim that it speeds up the metabolism....
Again I'm criticized about my schedule by my mother. Is nothing good enough?! She now says that because I'm home all day eating that I'm not getting results. "Once you're on a schedule instead of sitting at home and eating you'll see the difference.
Now I know you might think that she has a point and she does --- that's not the issue here. Ma has been like this since I was little: it's the WAY she says things that makes me feel inferior and that I'm not trying at all! I don't know why I even keep running to her with my thoughts if she's gonna do this every time. Just now she got the nerve to argue with me about a TV star playing a Disney Villain claiming that the live picture wasn't real. I had JUST looked the person up and the pic wasn't altered in any way.
She wants to be right --- apparently it gets her through her day.
Speaking of days, adding the weights for the 6-day workout just made my underarms look a bit misshapen. I'm not sure if I'm applying the cream Fat Girl Sleep in the right way or it's not targeting the spot in which it's needed....I'll make sure tonight that I put it only in that one spot.
I'll keep you posted.
Sunday, July 16, 2017
CHANGES
I have noticed a change.
Maybe small to some people, but I've been Obese my whole life --- I'm taking what I can get at this point. I think it's been close to 2 weeks since I began my training on my underarm flab and I'm seeing some puckers in them. I was right to use the 3 lbs for them; Ma thought 5 lbs would work better but I knew enough of my body that I'll stick with it longer if I go to the beginning instead of intense Cardio.
My weight gain stemmed from different sources --- depression was part of it --- my Ma informed me that since I idolized my Dad so much; and he was Homer Simpson Portly that I followed his example.
I wanted SO badly to bond with him that I put my own health in jeopardy.
I believe that I'm an influence currently for my Ma, as she made a life-changing decision of her own. She has struggled with her own addiction of smoking as far back as I can remember. She has greatly improved from my childhood because she used to smoke a pack a day; when Ma now decided to quit fully she was smoking 4 cigarettes a day.
I had to punish myself for not going anywhere yesterday when I was supposed to. Due to unforeseen circumstances {i.e. College fowl ups --- you take your pick on why I'm upset if you remember the process of that}, I forced myself to do 30 squats since I was already cooled down from my earlier workout. A few days ago, I drank 3 bottles of water {adding to my already 5 bottle-count} because I ate a whole bag of fries.
Tomorrow will be better.
I workout only 6 days a week and use Sunday as "a day of rest" to let my muscles repair.
It's gonna get hectic once I start classes but I'll try to keep up my entries.
C U Soon.
Maybe small to some people, but I've been Obese my whole life --- I'm taking what I can get at this point. I think it's been close to 2 weeks since I began my training on my underarm flab and I'm seeing some puckers in them. I was right to use the 3 lbs for them; Ma thought 5 lbs would work better but I knew enough of my body that I'll stick with it longer if I go to the beginning instead of intense Cardio.
My weight gain stemmed from different sources --- depression was part of it --- my Ma informed me that since I idolized my Dad so much; and he was Homer Simpson Portly that I followed his example.
I wanted SO badly to bond with him that I put my own health in jeopardy.
I believe that I'm an influence currently for my Ma, as she made a life-changing decision of her own. She has struggled with her own addiction of smoking as far back as I can remember. She has greatly improved from my childhood because she used to smoke a pack a day; when Ma now decided to quit fully she was smoking 4 cigarettes a day.
I had to punish myself for not going anywhere yesterday when I was supposed to. Due to unforeseen circumstances {i.e. College fowl ups --- you take your pick on why I'm upset if you remember the process of that}, I forced myself to do 30 squats since I was already cooled down from my earlier workout. A few days ago, I drank 3 bottles of water {adding to my already 5 bottle-count} because I ate a whole bag of fries.
Tomorrow will be better.
I workout only 6 days a week and use Sunday as "a day of rest" to let my muscles repair.
It's gonna get hectic once I start classes but I'll try to keep up my entries.
C U Soon.
Saturday, July 15, 2017
SCHEDULE
I keep thinking on it.
Did my ex-best friend pity me or was she mocking me when she told me that she was engaged? The reason why I'm probably dwelling is because I feel like my life's not where I want it to be.
So many dreams in my youth period, now in my adult years it's all about revenge----how I'm gonna get back at all those that screwed me over according to my unspoken rules that even I don't know what they are; all I know is how it affected me in that moment and how much damage I wanted to cause physically. But since I don't do Jail, I have to be creative about punishing them.
Case in point, when I have my mega business where I hire people not just from their resumes. I have an excellent memory in regards to faces so when they come through my doors, the gloves come off. I'd also like to be so powerful that they can't not only get the jobs or careers they want; they won't be able to move up and out of their current job----just like how they pushed me down and out of the way and gave promotions abound to people that can't even SPELL the words "Ass Kisser".
I know I'm supposed to forgive them, however my soul was cut deep on the count of being so fragile.
Moving on for now, I looked up more info about jump-starting my metabolism and more exercise tips for bedtime.
It goes as follows for right now:
Morning~
Walk Dog - 15min
Simple Fit Board - 2min
Weights @ 3lbs each - 2min pull-ups, 4min underarm strengthening {2min on each arm}
Lunges - 1 min
Evening~
Squats - 10-count
I would state my food control here, but it's too complex and keeps changing....I WILL say that beets, peppers & sesame seeds aren't the only things added; I'll be doing that Green Tea Extract along w/ the Green Coffee Bean Extract I'm currently taking + to keep up the pepper intake, I'm thinking about cutting those into snack pieces like carrots and have 2 of them during each meal.
No clue if these changes will work for the food but I see major improvements in my arms at least so it's not a waste.
Here's looking @ a Cruise and Marti Gras next year!
Did my ex-best friend pity me or was she mocking me when she told me that she was engaged? The reason why I'm probably dwelling is because I feel like my life's not where I want it to be.
So many dreams in my youth period, now in my adult years it's all about revenge----how I'm gonna get back at all those that screwed me over according to my unspoken rules that even I don't know what they are; all I know is how it affected me in that moment and how much damage I wanted to cause physically. But since I don't do Jail, I have to be creative about punishing them.
Case in point, when I have my mega business where I hire people not just from their resumes. I have an excellent memory in regards to faces so when they come through my doors, the gloves come off. I'd also like to be so powerful that they can't not only get the jobs or careers they want; they won't be able to move up and out of their current job----just like how they pushed me down and out of the way and gave promotions abound to people that can't even SPELL the words "Ass Kisser".
I know I'm supposed to forgive them, however my soul was cut deep on the count of being so fragile.
Moving on for now, I looked up more info about jump-starting my metabolism and more exercise tips for bedtime.
It goes as follows for right now:
Morning~
Walk Dog - 15min
Simple Fit Board - 2min
Weights @ 3lbs each - 2min pull-ups, 4min underarm strengthening {2min on each arm}
Lunges - 1 min
Evening~
Squats - 10-count
I would state my food control here, but it's too complex and keeps changing....I WILL say that beets, peppers & sesame seeds aren't the only things added; I'll be doing that Green Tea Extract along w/ the Green Coffee Bean Extract I'm currently taking + to keep up the pepper intake, I'm thinking about cutting those into snack pieces like carrots and have 2 of them during each meal.
No clue if these changes will work for the food but I see major improvements in my arms at least so it's not a waste.
Here's looking @ a Cruise and Marti Gras next year!
Thursday, July 13, 2017
START
I was thinking long and hard about life after my Dad.
I'm still lost and I know I'll always be just that.
These postings will basically be my bitch-fest towards my new life changes: restarting college, my new diet and exercise routine, my permanent sexual drought {who knows}....
And towards my Mother --- what influences do I have?
Having a revelation, because my parents provided everything that involves spending of cash; I never had to work much for anything {I'm not counting my 10-year retail work}.
I guess now will be the start of change.
I'll begin with my diet. When I was with Dad, HE was top priority when it came to a balanced meal due to his decrease in health. I had to make sure he ate so sometimes because of wack hours in the shelter we were staying, I went without breakfast but made it up with lunch. Mostly, I lost weight because I focused on someone other than myself.
I have now begun a "Fat Girl Stratagem" which means that I have to work on my body VERY slowly in regards to exercise. Walking was what I was doing after his death in VA then the move back to MD plus it was just as easy to pick back up since I can't legally drive at the moment.
In addition, I now do 3 lb weights to thin my "wings" under my arms once my early walk with Mom's dog. I pick up the groceries from Giant near Wheaton Mall on foot wearing full exercise garb complete with a jacket meant for joggers during bad weather days. I get enough stares, all judgmental. For food intake, that so-called portion control is a lot harder than it sounds.
We'll see what happens.
I'm still lost and I know I'll always be just that.
These postings will basically be my bitch-fest towards my new life changes: restarting college, my new diet and exercise routine, my permanent sexual drought {who knows}....
And towards my Mother --- what influences do I have?
Having a revelation, because my parents provided everything that involves spending of cash; I never had to work much for anything {I'm not counting my 10-year retail work}.
I guess now will be the start of change.
I'll begin with my diet. When I was with Dad, HE was top priority when it came to a balanced meal due to his decrease in health. I had to make sure he ate so sometimes because of wack hours in the shelter we were staying, I went without breakfast but made it up with lunch. Mostly, I lost weight because I focused on someone other than myself.
I have now begun a "Fat Girl Stratagem" which means that I have to work on my body VERY slowly in regards to exercise. Walking was what I was doing after his death in VA then the move back to MD plus it was just as easy to pick back up since I can't legally drive at the moment.
In addition, I now do 3 lb weights to thin my "wings" under my arms once my early walk with Mom's dog. I pick up the groceries from Giant near Wheaton Mall on foot wearing full exercise garb complete with a jacket meant for joggers during bad weather days. I get enough stares, all judgmental. For food intake, that so-called portion control is a lot harder than it sounds.
We'll see what happens.
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